How do we create a gentler world?

How do we create a gentler world?

Even asking this question in 2025 seems ridiculous. Of all the things we need as a society right now, why would we bother with gentleness? Those People need their asses kicked and to be bombed back and put in jail. Since we started recording events on buck skins and cave walls, there has been anguish and heartbreak. Life isn’t fair. As Picard reminds us, we can do everything right and still lose.

Yet.

We must bother with gentleness for our sake, not the benefit of the terminally enraged and violent. We share a world with very angry people. It controls their every move, their every vote. It is the bedrock upon which their strategic attacks are built. It consumes them and they deserve our pity and our firm action as lovers of a just society. As we carve out justice in the designs of the destructive, we must also put our hearts to leaving paths of gentleness. They are the way back to ourselves lest we live in the constant state of rage that consumes others. Gentleness is a path we can all find. We deserve gentleness coming and going. Expressions of gentleness are kaleidoscopic and infinite. Why are we working for justice for if not in part so that our elders and our children may follow paths that do not cut their feet and endanger their lives?

I am an avid relocator of spiders. Despite having venom to carry out the work of feeding themselves, the majority of spiders represent no danger to humans, but by way of eating insects - some of which spread diseases that do harm and kill people - represent a net (web?) benefit to us. Since an orb weaver has moved in over my back door I have not had any flies find their way into my house. For months we have walked right under her complex web every time we enter the house. She has now laid her eggs and is carefully guarding them and I feel honored to have the sort of property where things live.  We open the door gently beneath her and avoid letting it crash closed. It costs us nothing. 

I am also an advocate for snakes. In Kentucky we only have four venomous snakes, only two of which live here in Jefferson County. This means that there are good odds that the snake you see in your yard is probably not medically significant. If you leave the snake alone your chances of getting bitten are almost zero. It is more likely that your cat will bite you. Similar to spiders, snakes do a great work in their typical day by consuming mice, rats, chipmunks, and squirrels, all of whom do tremendous damage to property and people by their destructive habits and the diseases they carry. Earlier this summer I was lucky enough to be called to a back yard where a rather panicked lady was spraying the hose and throwing apples at two very impressive black rat snakes. One had just eaten two chipmunks from under her deck. I am presuming the diner to be female owing to the fact that the other snake was following them most intently. 

I spent about half an hour in the yard with my eldest son and the homeowner. We watched the snakes move along her property line and into the shelter of her shade garden. The presumed female went first, and was then followed on her exact path by the presumed male as he flicked his tongue to catch the scent. Those thirty minutes spent watching and discussing snake behavior converted this homeowner from fearful and ready to bludgeon the snakes with a shovel to enchanted and self-appointed protector. “Well, if that’s all they’re going to do,” she said, “they can stay. I’ll tell my neighbors not to hurt them.”

I have had several experiences like this. They are holy encounters. Reliable information, intimate experiences, and quality time are the liturgy of changed hearts. They are the alter call to sustaining action. 

Spiders and snakes carry generational curses passed down by exaggerated stories. These stories are told in kitchens, yards, barns, and online. One of my favorite pages on Facebook is called “Moccasins Not Chasing People.” It features footage of Cottonmouths (one of Kentucky’s venomous species) doing anything but chasing people when encountered as well as screenshots captured in the wilds of the internet of people swearing that their uncle’s first wife’s brother’s co-worker fell into a nest of them at the creek and was chased back to the truck.  Still, it must be said, there are also stories told in ER and in hushed tones beside caskets.  

Life isn’t fair. We can do everything right and still lose.

Consistently choosing gentleness in small moments is like keeping a wound clean. It matters to you as you stubbornly work to heal the inevitable damage this world does. It matters to your loved ones who do not want to lose you to emotional septicemia. It matters to your community as you develop the wisdom to know that lasting change must be sought over a lifetime but not in every season. Rest. Pass the plow to a ready friend. Move the spider. Watch the snake. Put up the bird house. Tell your neighbors. Take the plow back.